thought i would share our experience this evening from the dinner table...
talked to the kids abt bin laden's death as they had heard it on the radio. it was quite a conversation. we did not want them to hear things on npr that they do not have a chance to process. they sometimes pretend play by adapting things they have heard (like the time they played protestors in egypt).
i started by saying that i know that they had heard it on the radio and asking them if they remembered our discussions about the plane and the world trade center. they had. i told them how bin laden had organized that event and since then the american government has been looking for him. they wanted to know who had started the fighting and violence. i told them it was kind of like when k hits r and r hits k back. both are ultimately responsible because they should not hit each other. i said, however, that america is a bigger bully and is where we live. i said that it would be like r going over to a toddler and bullying him; if he did that it would be my responsibility because he is part of family and the toddler is part of my community. r said he would never do that and added that america should not do be bullies and be violent.
we talked about how bush did not look in the right places, but obama did. (they asked why bush had not and i had said that he was more interested in catching different people who were not part of what happened). we talked about how usually when you find someone who is hurting or killing people you take them to court and give them a trial to see if they are guilty. if they are they go to jail. this time they did not capture him, but killed him. perhaps because he was fighting back.
we then talked about how some people were celebrating that bin laden was dead. k commented that is not kind. i talked about how we do not celebrate one person's death and instead we might want to remember all the people who have died because of what has happened.
we talked about how some americans felt happy because they wanted revenge. i said that many people were sad about the people that died in the world trade center and some just feel that americans are the best in the whole world. k said yes some people think that and brought up the nazis in the sound of music as an example of that kind of thinking and added that no people are more best than others. i said that sometimes when someone is killed, the family wants revenge to help them feel better and they want the other person to die too. but that revenge and killing the murderer does not bring their loved one back to life and they still stay sad. the kids added and yes the people might feel sadder because they caused someone to die too.
k asked if bin laden was a boy or girl. i answered a boy. she asked if he was black or white. i stopped and asked why she wanted to know if he was a boy or girl. she just wanted to know she answered. i answered that he is neither black nor white. but brown. like me. and r added like me too. r then asked people would think we were like bin laden. and i said well yes. a lot of white people can't tell brown people apart and are scared because of that. i said that bin laden wore a turban and there are other groups like the sikhs who wear turbans. sikhs and other brown people were hurt or killed after 9/11 because some americans are scared and violent. i said two elderly sikh men were just hurt and killed in california a couple of months ago by white people.
r's response was i am glad that we have a mom who is black who can explain this to us. if we had two white parents they might not understand all of this. and then we would not understand. i said sometimes people have different experiences. and can have different perspectives. (i think the next step is that we have to have dad talk about stuff too. since most of this tends to fall under my domain, i do more of the instigating. they know that their dad agrees with our perspectives.)
(r seems to have a color binary of white and non-white. he recently referred to all the kids of color in his class as asian american -- including a dark skinned african american girl. considering obama and bin laden are similar skin tones and that the whole phenotype thing is hardly reliable, who can fault him?)
we then went back to reading mrs frisby and the rats of NIMH. one of my favorites from childhood.
and k took care of me as i have a virus and am feeling under the weather. she took my temperature, blood pressure, checked my throat and ears, gave me a bedpan, checked my reflexes, and listened to my heart. i was given copious amount of medicine, hugs, and kisses as well as a stuffed animal to snuggle. she told me a dozen times that she wished i was not sick. all in all a kind and loving child...
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