report from dad -- conversation with r over breakfast:
R and I were talking about the Red River flooding this morning, discussing how it had gone down, but that new precipitation might cause it to rise again. We also discussed that it would be windy today and that if you have a large body of water with strong winds you get waves, which could be bad for the levees.
R thought about this for a second and then said, "And there will be salamis", which I found confusing.
So, I said, "You think there might be salamis?"
R, "Yeah, because when there's a lot of wind you get big salami waves".
Dad: "Oh! You think there might tsunamis?"
R, "Yeah."
Dad, "No, I don't think they will need to worry about tsunamis", followed by recap of what causes tsunamis.
R, "Yeah, they only happen in seas or oceans, not rivers."
k was alternatively delightful and a stinker this morning. we had a good OT. r's target shoes have worn out and require replacement before mom leaves town. we joined the gym (swimming for the kids, acrobats and movement for the kids, exercise for the parents?). mom brought bacon home in her briefcase for dad (hopefully she will remember to give it to him). and it snowed/rained/sleeted this morning. both kids got new shoes.
by the way, the bacon in the briefcase provoked the following response from my partner:
"The first of the twelve steps in Alcoholics Anonymous is to admit that one is powerless over alcohol and that one's life has become unmanageable. This first step frequently occurs as the result of an unexpected event.
Today I took a first step of my own, which was precipitated by my partner saying, as we sat eating dinner with our kids and with no prior relevant reference or discussion, "There's some bacon for you in my briefcase."
True story.
now that i think about it, i am the one with bacon in my briefcase -- i am a bacon-enabler!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
good until the very end
well dad and i stayed up late getting a start on our taxes. and both monkeys slept well. r even woke up on time without too much grumbling and got ready for OT. k is clearly tired from a NO NAP weekend. she slept late but was her usual cheery self when she woke up. r has been complaining about a head ache "when i press right here." my first impulse is to say "well don't press right there." we are not sure why or what this means but are monitoring him. k's cough is getting better. r worked well at OT and stayed on track. r and i have long and complicated conversations. today's was about war. why do people fight, what wars are going on now, etc.
dad was gone again this evening (3 days in a row, not that i am counting). he worked saturday, fixed things on sunday, and worked again today. remarkably, it has gotten much better now that the kids will play together. they had a hefty snack in the car (sausage, dried cherries, spanokopita, and cheezits). they came home and went potty (including ms k) who then insisted on wearing a diaper which was a good thing because an hour later she made a huge bowel movement. they played balloon with each and made a list of the things they wanted to do that evening after balloon play: dvd, puzzle, and coloring. well coloring was mom's choice. so they ate ravioli and baguette, watched sesame street and word world, and then transitioned more or less to post dvd. then it got tough. luckily dad came home then to help out. one needed a diaper change, the other interaction, and it was a quick slide to whiny demanding overtired children. oh well. most of it was good. the playing together is nice. it is not quite interactive, but k readily follows her brother and asserts her self. he now includes her more willingly and wants to teach her a few things here and there. it is a good start.
dad was gone again this evening (3 days in a row, not that i am counting). he worked saturday, fixed things on sunday, and worked again today. remarkably, it has gotten much better now that the kids will play together. they had a hefty snack in the car (sausage, dried cherries, spanokopita, and cheezits). they came home and went potty (including ms k) who then insisted on wearing a diaper which was a good thing because an hour later she made a huge bowel movement. they played balloon with each and made a list of the things they wanted to do that evening after balloon play: dvd, puzzle, and coloring. well coloring was mom's choice. so they ate ravioli and baguette, watched sesame street and word world, and then transitioned more or less to post dvd. then it got tough. luckily dad came home then to help out. one needed a diaper change, the other interaction, and it was a quick slide to whiny demanding overtired children. oh well. most of it was good. the playing together is nice. it is not quite interactive, but k readily follows her brother and asserts her self. he now includes her more willingly and wants to teach her a few things here and there. it is a good start.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
ms k and the stomach grumblings
i think it took k a week for her stomach to return to normal. it is hard to watch her not eat as she usually enjoys food. though lately, i have noticed that she has become more particular at home than her brother. she always picks soy sausage and toast as her meals. hardly a balanced diet. but we know she eats well at school. everyone seems to be recovering well. k started coughing last night but the frequency decreased during the day so we are hopeful.
r was kind of a stinker this week. we are not sure why. perhaps having mom around is just unappealing. he had a lot of control and listening issues. very hyper and inattentive. it was hard to watch and guide him through. we are seeing some resistance that is more aggressive too. but a good eating week. i think he would eat rice constantly if we let him.
the weather got cool again but most of our attention was westward watching fargo and the flooding. it has been extremely moving to me to see the people come together and work towards saving homes and the city.
in terms of the kids: k is just so fun, garrulous (she is a desai after all), and good-humored. she loves jokes. she is extremely thoughtful and affectionate, smiling and laughing frequently and watching out for her brother. she also has her tantrums and obstinate moments (did i mention the desai part?), but she recovers well. the other day she cried for about 15 minutes because her chocolate wrapper was torn. since it did not impact the inside, it is clear that it is a textbook case about control and "doing it myself." it is interesting also to see how confident, assured, and assertive she is at home, and how reserved and contained within a new context.
r had a hard time listening this week. we are going to have to keep finding ways to work on that. he started working on handwriting in OT too as we need to prepare for KG.
the weekend was nice. yesterday morning we slept in. for some reason, saturday morning, the kids had a rough time dressing, but we eventually got out the door, dad off to work, and the kids and i off for adventures. we managed to get to a playground and run around. it was chillier than i had hoped but it was a fun afternoon. we ate lunch in the car (one of mom's tricks for getting them to eat a variety of foods). we came home, k took a short nap, and r and i snuggled and read. dad was home late from work but we managed to scramble, get dressed, and head out the door for masee's bday dinner. appropriately, we were finally able to get out to dinner on nana's birthday. happy birthday nana and masee!!!
the kids did remarkably well and were able to sit more or less for a couple of hours. it helped that there were chips and cheese dip, enchiladas, rice, beans, and then ice cream and churros. there was also a mariachi band that prompted r to get out of his seat and dance in the restaurant. k seemed quite captivated as well. additional time involved gazing at the fascinating murals. afterwards, there was great mayhem as children and some adults ran around getting energy out. there was some attempt at some writing at home, and then off to bed.
today was a fun day. we woke up a little earlier than yesterday. breakfast was efficient and then everyone went out the door to hear justin roberts. though we had not pre-purchased tickets and the show was sold out, mom tried her best and we made it in. the event was great fun. r grinned from ear to ear the entire time and managed to sit up close to the stage despite the loud noise. he danced and clearly enjoyed seeing the life performance of music that he recognized and likes. justin roberts and the not-ready-for-naptime-players are a fun adult and kid friendly band. the music is perky, the lyrics witty, and the singer in tune with kid interests.
we headed home, had a potty break and then headed out to leonardo's room. it is an educational invention workshop space. the place is chock full of parts. parts that kids can put together in an infinite number of ways. there are saws, drills, hammers, and other tools to help in the invention process. i think dad and r would have experienced a little piece of heaven together if dad had been there. unfortunately, it was just mom trying to keep track a 2 and 4 year old simultaneously. luckily, the kids are well behaved enough not to grab saws, hot glue guns, or drills. i guess in some ways there is some internal control...
both did some great inventing. k made sure to get her cookie fix satisfied first. anyway, both were incredibly inventive and seemed to enjoy the process. r was a little overwhelmed and kept collecting parts but we did not have the time to attach all of them.
since we could not get a hold of auntie hot hot, we headed home. mom was exhausted as were the kids (though they did not know it). we played flood with mom as the old horse carrying them through the flood waters, occasionally a child fell off and had to be rescued from the waters. dad finally arrived home and dinner was reheated. some outside time was pleasant and then bath time was fun. r ran into our neighbor's daughter naomi. they played pirate which consisted of r repeating "land ahoy" repeatedly. during bath, we worked on dramatic play ideas by thinking through different narratives. it was fun. he and i have been having good conversations. we talk about consequences and this seems to help him understand what might happen if he acts impulsively. since he is curious, i keep encouraging him to be curious with his eyes and words, and not his hands. we shall see.
both kids got their pajamas on and read books smoothly. soon, heads hit pillows and eyes fell shut. let's hope it stays quiet for a little while...
r was kind of a stinker this week. we are not sure why. perhaps having mom around is just unappealing. he had a lot of control and listening issues. very hyper and inattentive. it was hard to watch and guide him through. we are seeing some resistance that is more aggressive too. but a good eating week. i think he would eat rice constantly if we let him.
the weather got cool again but most of our attention was westward watching fargo and the flooding. it has been extremely moving to me to see the people come together and work towards saving homes and the city.
in terms of the kids: k is just so fun, garrulous (she is a desai after all), and good-humored. she loves jokes. she is extremely thoughtful and affectionate, smiling and laughing frequently and watching out for her brother. she also has her tantrums and obstinate moments (did i mention the desai part?), but she recovers well. the other day she cried for about 15 minutes because her chocolate wrapper was torn. since it did not impact the inside, it is clear that it is a textbook case about control and "doing it myself." it is interesting also to see how confident, assured, and assertive she is at home, and how reserved and contained within a new context.
r had a hard time listening this week. we are going to have to keep finding ways to work on that. he started working on handwriting in OT too as we need to prepare for KG.
the weekend was nice. yesterday morning we slept in. for some reason, saturday morning, the kids had a rough time dressing, but we eventually got out the door, dad off to work, and the kids and i off for adventures. we managed to get to a playground and run around. it was chillier than i had hoped but it was a fun afternoon. we ate lunch in the car (one of mom's tricks for getting them to eat a variety of foods). we came home, k took a short nap, and r and i snuggled and read. dad was home late from work but we managed to scramble, get dressed, and head out the door for masee's bday dinner. appropriately, we were finally able to get out to dinner on nana's birthday. happy birthday nana and masee!!!
the kids did remarkably well and were able to sit more or less for a couple of hours. it helped that there were chips and cheese dip, enchiladas, rice, beans, and then ice cream and churros. there was also a mariachi band that prompted r to get out of his seat and dance in the restaurant. k seemed quite captivated as well. additional time involved gazing at the fascinating murals. afterwards, there was great mayhem as children and some adults ran around getting energy out. there was some attempt at some writing at home, and then off to bed.
today was a fun day. we woke up a little earlier than yesterday. breakfast was efficient and then everyone went out the door to hear justin roberts. though we had not pre-purchased tickets and the show was sold out, mom tried her best and we made it in. the event was great fun. r grinned from ear to ear the entire time and managed to sit up close to the stage despite the loud noise. he danced and clearly enjoyed seeing the life performance of music that he recognized and likes. justin roberts and the not-ready-for-naptime-players are a fun adult and kid friendly band. the music is perky, the lyrics witty, and the singer in tune with kid interests.
we headed home, had a potty break and then headed out to leonardo's room. it is an educational invention workshop space. the place is chock full of parts. parts that kids can put together in an infinite number of ways. there are saws, drills, hammers, and other tools to help in the invention process. i think dad and r would have experienced a little piece of heaven together if dad had been there. unfortunately, it was just mom trying to keep track a 2 and 4 year old simultaneously. luckily, the kids are well behaved enough not to grab saws, hot glue guns, or drills. i guess in some ways there is some internal control...
both did some great inventing. k made sure to get her cookie fix satisfied first. anyway, both were incredibly inventive and seemed to enjoy the process. r was a little overwhelmed and kept collecting parts but we did not have the time to attach all of them.
since we could not get a hold of auntie hot hot, we headed home. mom was exhausted as were the kids (though they did not know it). we played flood with mom as the old horse carrying them through the flood waters, occasionally a child fell off and had to be rescued from the waters. dad finally arrived home and dinner was reheated. some outside time was pleasant and then bath time was fun. r ran into our neighbor's daughter naomi. they played pirate which consisted of r repeating "land ahoy" repeatedly. during bath, we worked on dramatic play ideas by thinking through different narratives. it was fun. he and i have been having good conversations. we talk about consequences and this seems to help him understand what might happen if he acts impulsively. since he is curious, i keep encouraging him to be curious with his eyes and words, and not his hands. we shall see.
both kids got their pajamas on and read books smoothly. soon, heads hit pillows and eyes fell shut. let's hope it stays quiet for a little while...
Monday, March 23, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
more strikes than mom
the short version of our day: breakfast at a restaurant. r did mazes. k read curious george. a trip to go bowling! and then time outside in the 60 degree weather. we tried to get ready for a bike ride but can't remember the combination to the lock. [inset laugh track.] oops. a minor tragicomedy. r enjoyed bowling. k enjoyed bowling. dad had a good game. mom was ok and happy she broke 100.
k took a nap while r "helped" dad. he made a sculpture out of pvc pipes. he has his dad's inventing gene for certain. r and i made pizza, our regular sunday night affair. it is an easy meal and he likes to help. we are going to slowly add some veggies. but right now it is good that he participates in the cooking. k and i folded laundry together. i think it is important that they learn to contribute to the taking care of the house and chores. she was terrific about helping sort and then she lay in the baskets of laundry too.
the kids were not cooperative with each other for some reason in the bath. usually they do well there together. both ate fine. dad continued reading haroun and the sea of stories with r at dinner. mom thought it might help both of them calm down and relax. it did seem to succeed. both ate some more and seemed to be having a good time with the story which is also a father and son story.
i am sad that the gendering is getting worse. r does not want to wear pins as much because he says it is for girls and not boys. he still likes his flower pants. at school, the boys are playing guns and he is interested. we have conversations. i don't like it but i from what i read, it is important to let them play and pretend through it.
if anyone has ideas about our bike lock combination, send them to dad!
it felt like spring today and it was very exciting.
k took a nap while r "helped" dad. he made a sculpture out of pvc pipes. he has his dad's inventing gene for certain. r and i made pizza, our regular sunday night affair. it is an easy meal and he likes to help. we are going to slowly add some veggies. but right now it is good that he participates in the cooking. k and i folded laundry together. i think it is important that they learn to contribute to the taking care of the house and chores. she was terrific about helping sort and then she lay in the baskets of laundry too.
the kids were not cooperative with each other for some reason in the bath. usually they do well there together. both ate fine. dad continued reading haroun and the sea of stories with r at dinner. mom thought it might help both of them calm down and relax. it did seem to succeed. both ate some more and seemed to be having a good time with the story which is also a father and son story.
i am sad that the gendering is getting worse. r does not want to wear pins as much because he says it is for girls and not boys. he still likes his flower pants. at school, the boys are playing guns and he is interested. we have conversations. i don't like it but i from what i read, it is important to let them play and pretend through it.
if anyone has ideas about our bike lock combination, send them to dad!
it felt like spring today and it was very exciting.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
working on it
well i am working on a longer update but it must wait until this week is over. i am trying to get a few things off my plate. and once spring break comes closer and i have to work on taxes, i think this will be my reprieve from taxes.
everyone is fine, but there is much juggling of . there seems to be an intensity to life right now for everyone:
seema and tom lost rarky to cancer recently, rakesh is working on taking care of his eyes and surviving the economy, mom and dad are dealing with slow business and helping rakesh, dad is contemplating career changes, sue has been helping her family, i have been dealing with childcare center issues, we have been trying to finalize school plans for r, and the weather has been awful.
but tonight was good. the kids ate, we played, and everyone read books. it is very late and the time change is creating havoc on our schedules. tomorrow i fly out again. and the windchill is supposed to be -20 in the morning. it does not feel like spring yet. but we hope things will ease up and warm up for everyone soon.
everyone is fine, but there is much juggling of . there seems to be an intensity to life right now for everyone:
seema and tom lost rarky to cancer recently, rakesh is working on taking care of his eyes and surviving the economy, mom and dad are dealing with slow business and helping rakesh, dad is contemplating career changes, sue has been helping her family, i have been dealing with childcare center issues, we have been trying to finalize school plans for r, and the weather has been awful.
but tonight was good. the kids ate, we played, and everyone read books. it is very late and the time change is creating havoc on our schedules. tomorrow i fly out again. and the windchill is supposed to be -20 in the morning. it does not feel like spring yet. but we hope things will ease up and warm up for everyone soon.
Friday, March 6, 2009
rice, spaghetti, balance beams, and a trapeze swing
the last few weeks have gone quickly. even though i am gone less than 48 hours, there is, nevertheless, a noteworthy impact on our routines.
a couple of weeks ago in february, i returned early on a thursday and both r and k began to vomit that night. one from mucous, the other from a stomach bug. while they both survived the night without too many incidences, it meant that r was home all day friday.
this past thursday, r had a stomach bug. i came home (on time) and r complained about a tummy ache. he then vomited a great amount of liquid. there was a smaller repeat friday morning and so it was a stay home day for r and mom. he relaxed and complained of a headache around 4. while he ate a small lunch of rice and tofu (yes he is now eating rice with butter and salt!), it was a quiet day with him trying to recover. he fell asleep at 6:45 pm friday night and slept until 8:35 saturday morning.
the weekends have also gone quickly as dad works almost every saturday. today was first saturday off in such a long time. i have been looking forward to everyone being home.
our semester has gone quickly and it feels as it is because we are dealing with big shifts and issues. the happiest one is probably the development of k's vocabulary and ability to express herself. she is such a joy -- a very happy child. this is not to say that she is not of strong opinions. boy is she ever. but she wakes up happy, wants to do things herself, enjoys the world around her, and adores r. it is nice. the other two biggest shifts include our continual efforts to improve r's life and our concerted efforts to think about dad's career.
our lives are different than those of many around us. no matter how you look at it. we are not typical, at least not neurotypical. and somehow i feel that a no neurological diagnosis is in someways harder than a clear diagnosis. don't get me wrong, i am not wanting some label on our lives or son. if it fit, that would be one thing. but the complexity of our lives is highly invisible to most. i do not want to change my son. i want to be a better parent to him and his wonderful self. i also want to change the world to be less neuro-normative. (more on this in the coming year).
but none of this is easy. dad and i are both neurotypical parents and we live in a neurotypical world. i would love to be able to pick a school that will fit my son. i would love to be able to spend time slowly transitioning how he needs and taking him to appointments. i do not always know how to juggle these things with our two careers and other obligations and responsibilities. this past year, dad and i have talked about priorities. it has been clear for the last year that we have moved our lives around to adjust to what we need to do. it has an impact on both of us and both of our careers. mine is already safeguarded with tenure. dad's is not. and consequently in combination with other factors, it has suffered. i am not sure we would make different decisions. it is important to fight the battles in front of us, seek resources as we can, and adjust accordingly. but it ain't easy. i also do not want to suggest that somehow r requires sacrifice. for me, it is really that the world is not made to fit him and we have to find the pieces that do support and value him. (we did look at over a dozen schools for kindergarten. ironically, we ended listing our favorite school as our first choice even though it starts at 7:30. after talking with the city, we listed another school that starts at 7:30 also and that was not in our preference list as our second choice. long story.)
i believe that few people know what living with this gray area of neurological atypicality is like. our challenges to systems fly under radars as we are not perceived to be dealing with disability issues. all of this fascinates me.
there are certainly triumphs. r is now eating rice and today he ate spaghetti with tomato sauce, parmesan cheese, and italian sausage on it. more mixed textures and new foods than even his sister could handle. it helped that the film "lady and the tramp" featured spaghetti. we also went to a children's circus today. r and k tried the balance beam and swing trapeze. we are all getting better at figuring things out. the circus was incredibly crowded and i can imagine a dozen scenarios where r would just glassy-eyed or distracted and k would be too tired to enjoy it. instead, we were able to channel things quite well. crowds, loud music, too much visual stimuli, etc are usually recipes for an overwhelmed and overstimulated child who gets hyper and unable to attend. we did so much better with prepping, while he did so much better with focusing and attending. it was a successful visit. both enjoyed the circus activities. interestingly, i think while r likes to do acrobatic play, he is not necessarily absorbed when watching it. i think that this might have to do with sensory integration but i am not sure. my guess is that watching physical or motor work does not teach or enable r to actually do it. he does not learn this kind of stuff exactly through visual mimicry. his body has to be guided through the motions somehow and then he is able to do things. i could be wrong but it makes sense with my experience of his OT.
while we have worked hard to improve r's eating, gross motor, and fine motor, we still continue to be concerned about how best to optimize his environments to meet his needs and how best to prepare him for what is coming ahead for kindergarten and everything else. his ability to cope, i think, is improving for the most part. but we also try to contour the environmental factors to provide optimal responses. nonetheless, there are far fewer tantrums than last year or even a month or two ago. i am not sure if it is changing seasons, growth cycles, OT, or better accommodations.
it is trite to say but parenting and adversity teach us many things. i have always had some confidence in my worldview. i still do. but i think my values are changing slowly and deeply. being moderately intelligence, i have valued those things that reward me and not quite denigrated but not necessarily kept in high regard other qualities. as i learn to parent, and it is always a learning process, i realize that i have to do away with so many of my previous conceptions.
how i am changing in small and perceptible steps is sometimes striking in the big picture. when i think of my relationships in the past, i realize how much i have grown. how steady and nonplussed i have become. how i am able to weather various adversities and stresses, how things that might have seemed major are merely trifles now. unfortunately, i can't think of any concrete examples, but i know that my own steadiness and calmness has much to do with the ability to appreciate the small details and moments and simultaneously keep an eye on the horizon to remember a sense of scale.
i guess what i am saying is that success, intelligence, etc., i realize don't necessarily bring happiness. in fact, in watching r grow up and dad contemplate his experience, i realize how little this might matter in the long run.
stay tuned and i will tell you what i do think is important as i get through the backlog of topics.
by the way here are a few jokes that are floating around our house:
knock knock
who's there?
who
who who?
is there an owl in here?
why is 6 afraid of 7?
because 7 ate (8) nine
good night and more to come
a couple of weeks ago in february, i returned early on a thursday and both r and k began to vomit that night. one from mucous, the other from a stomach bug. while they both survived the night without too many incidences, it meant that r was home all day friday.
this past thursday, r had a stomach bug. i came home (on time) and r complained about a tummy ache. he then vomited a great amount of liquid. there was a smaller repeat friday morning and so it was a stay home day for r and mom. he relaxed and complained of a headache around 4. while he ate a small lunch of rice and tofu (yes he is now eating rice with butter and salt!), it was a quiet day with him trying to recover. he fell asleep at 6:45 pm friday night and slept until 8:35 saturday morning.
the weekends have also gone quickly as dad works almost every saturday. today was first saturday off in such a long time. i have been looking forward to everyone being home.
our semester has gone quickly and it feels as it is because we are dealing with big shifts and issues. the happiest one is probably the development of k's vocabulary and ability to express herself. she is such a joy -- a very happy child. this is not to say that she is not of strong opinions. boy is she ever. but she wakes up happy, wants to do things herself, enjoys the world around her, and adores r. it is nice. the other two biggest shifts include our continual efforts to improve r's life and our concerted efforts to think about dad's career.
our lives are different than those of many around us. no matter how you look at it. we are not typical, at least not neurotypical. and somehow i feel that a no neurological diagnosis is in someways harder than a clear diagnosis. don't get me wrong, i am not wanting some label on our lives or son. if it fit, that would be one thing. but the complexity of our lives is highly invisible to most. i do not want to change my son. i want to be a better parent to him and his wonderful self. i also want to change the world to be less neuro-normative. (more on this in the coming year).
but none of this is easy. dad and i are both neurotypical parents and we live in a neurotypical world. i would love to be able to pick a school that will fit my son. i would love to be able to spend time slowly transitioning how he needs and taking him to appointments. i do not always know how to juggle these things with our two careers and other obligations and responsibilities. this past year, dad and i have talked about priorities. it has been clear for the last year that we have moved our lives around to adjust to what we need to do. it has an impact on both of us and both of our careers. mine is already safeguarded with tenure. dad's is not. and consequently in combination with other factors, it has suffered. i am not sure we would make different decisions. it is important to fight the battles in front of us, seek resources as we can, and adjust accordingly. but it ain't easy. i also do not want to suggest that somehow r requires sacrifice. for me, it is really that the world is not made to fit him and we have to find the pieces that do support and value him. (we did look at over a dozen schools for kindergarten. ironically, we ended listing our favorite school as our first choice even though it starts at 7:30. after talking with the city, we listed another school that starts at 7:30 also and that was not in our preference list as our second choice. long story.)
i believe that few people know what living with this gray area of neurological atypicality is like. our challenges to systems fly under radars as we are not perceived to be dealing with disability issues. all of this fascinates me.
there are certainly triumphs. r is now eating rice and today he ate spaghetti with tomato sauce, parmesan cheese, and italian sausage on it. more mixed textures and new foods than even his sister could handle. it helped that the film "lady and the tramp" featured spaghetti. we also went to a children's circus today. r and k tried the balance beam and swing trapeze. we are all getting better at figuring things out. the circus was incredibly crowded and i can imagine a dozen scenarios where r would just glassy-eyed or distracted and k would be too tired to enjoy it. instead, we were able to channel things quite well. crowds, loud music, too much visual stimuli, etc are usually recipes for an overwhelmed and overstimulated child who gets hyper and unable to attend. we did so much better with prepping, while he did so much better with focusing and attending. it was a successful visit. both enjoyed the circus activities. interestingly, i think while r likes to do acrobatic play, he is not necessarily absorbed when watching it. i think that this might have to do with sensory integration but i am not sure. my guess is that watching physical or motor work does not teach or enable r to actually do it. he does not learn this kind of stuff exactly through visual mimicry. his body has to be guided through the motions somehow and then he is able to do things. i could be wrong but it makes sense with my experience of his OT.
while we have worked hard to improve r's eating, gross motor, and fine motor, we still continue to be concerned about how best to optimize his environments to meet his needs and how best to prepare him for what is coming ahead for kindergarten and everything else. his ability to cope, i think, is improving for the most part. but we also try to contour the environmental factors to provide optimal responses. nonetheless, there are far fewer tantrums than last year or even a month or two ago. i am not sure if it is changing seasons, growth cycles, OT, or better accommodations.
it is trite to say but parenting and adversity teach us many things. i have always had some confidence in my worldview. i still do. but i think my values are changing slowly and deeply. being moderately intelligence, i have valued those things that reward me and not quite denigrated but not necessarily kept in high regard other qualities. as i learn to parent, and it is always a learning process, i realize that i have to do away with so many of my previous conceptions.
how i am changing in small and perceptible steps is sometimes striking in the big picture. when i think of my relationships in the past, i realize how much i have grown. how steady and nonplussed i have become. how i am able to weather various adversities and stresses, how things that might have seemed major are merely trifles now. unfortunately, i can't think of any concrete examples, but i know that my own steadiness and calmness has much to do with the ability to appreciate the small details and moments and simultaneously keep an eye on the horizon to remember a sense of scale.
i guess what i am saying is that success, intelligence, etc., i realize don't necessarily bring happiness. in fact, in watching r grow up and dad contemplate his experience, i realize how little this might matter in the long run.
stay tuned and i will tell you what i do think is important as i get through the backlog of topics.
by the way here are a few jokes that are floating around our house:
knock knock
who's there?
who
who who?
is there an owl in here?
why is 6 afraid of 7?
because 7 ate (8) nine
good night and more to come
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