greener pastures

Today, I saw in the New York Times that a physicist that I had worked with at Berkeley had died. I am surprised at how much it is impacting me. In my twenties, I remember thinking that he was old. But he was only in his sixties then and had had already a remarkable career. He had fled Europe during the Holocaust and was one of the many Jewish scientists and academics with charm, humor, intelligence, and vivacity that I have worked with. I shared a lab with him a year or two and have fond memories of the group. Very few people thought highly of our lab back then. We were the underdogs that were held in some mild disdain by the faculty at berkeley (or at least that was my impression) back then. We were a rag tag collection of graduate students, undergraduates, research assistants, and 3 scientists (Carl Pennypacker, Saul Perlmutter, and then Gerson Goldhaber). the underdog feeling certainly made it feel close and made even underlings like me feel important and necessary. there was little ego there which seems rare to me in academia now. this was the lab that i worked in when i did the observations for the supernova.

I thank them all for all of their support and community. Why am I thinking so much of them now? Perhaps because I can see how much of my past and the people in it have shaped who I am. How I have become the person I am because of them. My experiences in that lab allow me now to talk with my children in ways that profoundly shape who they are. While K is still a little young for these conversations, I know that R loves learning about the universe. Some of the topics that we discuss: particle physics, and chemistry come from these experiences. The curiosity and inquiry that has been shared with me, I am able to share with my children. I did not know then that more then a career, these questions, this way of thinking about my location in the universe would stay with me and would be part of how I parent. Thank you to those folks along the way that have fostered that in me and now in my children.

I also feel this gratitude for others so deeply because I am fortunate to have had amazing people in my children's lives. Our after school child care person -- Liz is moving onto greener pastures (literally, in this case) as she has gotten a job doing equine care in WI. This is what her passion is and she has been training for in her undergraduate education. We are thrilled for her and I am so sad for us. When we fortuitously hired her last year, it was somewhat a fluke that I asked her at all. She worked at the children's child care facility and knew them both but had no contact with her outside of the institution. She was available and worked with our schedules, so we thought great. As she was coming from the child care facility, we knew it was a culture of nurturing and empowering our children. Though we felt good about it, how far the experience has exceeded our expectations. Liz has been amazing in her love and care for R and K. She has nurtured him/them with joy and patience. She makes it look so easy! R has been incredibly fortunate to have her in his life. And while he may never understand what her steady smile and quick laugh has given him, I know that her care has been invaluable. With all of the different things we want and need for R: fine and gross motor, science inquiry, goofing off, games, imaginative play, art, math, social skills, emotional needs, self-empowerment, and eating -- she helped. as parents, we feel incredible trust that the kids were in amazing nurturing care. They both asked for time with her and she gave them so much, each according to his/her needs.

I think in many ways of how fortunate I am. There are days when I can put the stress of the university away and be present in my children's AND my life. To be mindful of my partner's warmth, humor, and thoughtfulness; my family's adoration of my children and amazing generosity and love; and my children's wonderful sense of the world, disregard for time and schedules, and fascination with the now, for the people in their lives, and joys of life.

lunch and jet pack kid (oh, yeah that spect-acular kid is k!)

canoeing w/ masee and uncle tom

car camping at bear head lake and soudan underground mine

1st time (car) camping w/ the kids: bear head lake and soudan mine state parks! when asked what they liked: "everything." what's not to love: masee/uncle tom, sleeping in tents, the milky way galaxy in all its glory, lazy canoeing, cozy campfires, bacon by the ton, 20 questions, eagles, high energy physics lab tour, mine tour, no ticks, no deadlines, no email, and lots of glorious dappled sunshine

cake video -- it might work

big kid bike!

birthday w/ masee and uncle tom

more party photos

i like the one with all the kids in their jet packs waiting patiently for their turn at the rocket!

blast off into the 5th orbit

so k has completed 4 revolutions around the sun. as she blasts off into her fifth orbit, we wish her all the joy in the solar system. for her birthday she requested bottle rockets (for r, because likes them). well since it was her first big birthday party, we invited her friends from school and had a big space themed party in the park.

we made jet packs for the kids. there was a space shuttle pinata. and then of course the rockets. the weather was beautiful. the parents exhausted. and the kids thrilled. it was a fun party. and a week later, k is still dreaming about it. i am pretty pleased!

we also celebrated with masee and uncle tom that evening. lots of pizza and cake was consumed by all.

dq, fireworks, and masee/uncle tom -- a happy evening

camping trip 1 -- st croix state park

land of the ticks and mosquitos -- we did not stay the night.
but this is where we stayed up until 11 and looked at the night sky.
r and k loved it!
r said that the stars made him feel all peaceful inside. and k said that she had never seen so many before.

photo update time

backyard dining and garden update early july
please note that the yellow flowers are 8 feet tall and the bee balm about 6 feet tall.

check ups

went to the eye doctors. both kids have healthy eyes.
r's vision is 20/40. k's is 20/100. she needs glasses.

day at home

no camp for r today. so i kept k home today too. both kids slept until and then snuggled -- we did not get downstairs until 10:30. everyone helped make pancakes and then r played with the dishwashing soap in the sink. probably used up an inch of the bottle. k got to put chocolate in her pancakes. she was content.

then everyone did mazes and handwriting. both were motivated to sit and work for a short bit. they even stayed on task while i went to take a shower. of course, by the time i washed my hair, both kids were hanging out in the bathroom. despite a little squabbling, my the time i was dressed, both had disappeared into r's room and were listening to music. i overheard r teaching k the finer points of star wars music interpretation: "when the music does this, the bad guys are coming. vader's special friend died so he is sad in this part." then i missed something. the next thing i heard was k crying and r saying "sorry k, sorry, sorry -- are you ok?" and giving her tons of kisses. apparently in his anger that she broke his building structure, he bit her toe. [cue the music!] they then reported that they were making snail houses. they dragged my yoga mat out of the closet (glad someone did) and placed rocks all over it.

after a few more grumps, we went downstairs to do some computer time. just about then, auntie amy arrived to pick up her slug-cat. her cat had stayed with us the past 3 days. we think the little bundle of fur is part slug or perhaps sloth as she barely moved. but she was very sweet and adorable. the kids talked with auntie amy who is amazing with them and then tried to do their computer work. no luck as the internet was uncooperative. as the crankiness knob increased, it became clear it was time for lunch. everyone including the cat went outside for lunch and then some soccer.

mom had planned some time at the yw pool for the afternoon. yesterday's adventure at the kiddie pool at the park had been fun but made me realize that they are too shallow to enjoy thoroughly. so we packed up and headed over. we stayed in the pool for over an hour. it felt good to go and splash around. everyone just felt more buoyant and relaxed. the noodles were a big hit for floating everywhere. swimming, of course, is good for the appetite and we headed over to longfellow grill afterwards.

on the way to dinner, we heard a message from nana. r liked it so much that he listened to it twice. he said that it made him feel so good and that he wanted to call nani and nana. we said that we would skype soon if the internet cooperates.

while we waited for a table, the kids climbed around outside. at dinner, r tried ranch dressing and declared that it was awesome. k enjoyed her meal and tried carrots. at home we watched cloudy with a chance of meatballs. we figured that both kids would like it. and despite their hesitancies, they did. r, of course, hates anxiety and suspense. but there were no evil villians here so it was not scary. the fact that it was a quirky kid who liked to invent was the main draw. and it worked, it pulled him in without too much fear. we are trying to help him enjoy the films without being overwhelmed. at the same time, we want to respect the fact that he might not enjoy it. this was a good film for both of them though i wish the girl character had more of a part that was dynamic and central.

now we have happy and exhausted kids. it was a good day. in many ways, it was perfect. while they had a few squabbles and moments of drama, i was not at all irritated today. i think it was because there was nothing we had to do. since it was all optional and no stress, it was possible to help them through their moments without feel pressure. yeah for everyone. we need more days like this.