best of all

on wednesday, for author day, liz went as proxy to hear r read his story during school. mom was at a Master's exam and dad can't take off more time. so liz was happy to go to support r. he read his book about ants. all the kids wrote about insects. only two picked ants! r worked very hard on his book and we will try to post some pictures of it!

masee also came to visit, bringing cupcakes! no one had seen masee for a while during finals and so there was much happiness all around. the cupcakes were also highly valued. she knows how to spoil her niece and nephew -- one vanilla cupcake with vanilla frosting, and one chocolate cupcake with chocolate frosting. just as they do on skype, the kids were eager to show masee their treasures and share stories with them. most of all, there was a lot of excitement about masee doing the obstacle course on the wii. she was not permitted to leave until she had tried it and been cheered on by the squad.

the kids began their fun early this week. r went to the science museum with liz on thursday. k was home because she woke up coughing up mucous at 5 AM and did not seem to be well. as it was a homeschool day, mom suddenly found herself with 2 kids at home and some juggling to do. since both were out of sorts, it was a little tense at breakfast. but soon after, liz miraculously appeared due to a misunderstanding about time. how fortuitous as the kids could split up. r dug in the sand for a while. and k puttered around in the sunshine with mom in the garden. after lunch, k and mom went to take a nap. while liz and r went off to study amoebas, tug boats, and magnets. both came home happy and sated. a little park time allowed mom to work. and then dad completed his day project for the kids -- a model of lock and dam system!!! r's KG class went to the lock and dam system at the mississippi. and since we have gone several times and it was a homeschool day, dad decided to build a model so the kids could get an understanding of how it worked up close and personal. so while mom weeded, the rest of the gang got the hose out and floated their boats up and down the lock system. both were thrilled to be playing in the water and were a little too tired to quite grasp the system. but they were eager to continue their explorations. k was still rather fragile from being sick. and curiously picked something up that was near her. she was shocked to find a large squiggly worm in her hand and started to sob. "the worm surprised me" was all she could get out. near exhaustion, she made it to bed and fell asleep in a nanosecond. photos of the lock and dam to follow.

the next day, k felt a little better and went off to school with the promise of liz picking her up early and taking her to the zoo to see the tamarins. k loves the tamarins and especially the baby tamarins. dad and i had a meeting with another meeting trying to sort out the school puzzle. it was not overly helpful though the person did warm up after she told us her "blunt news." we were not surprised but hearing her opinion about other schools and information about twice exceptional was helpful. dad and i continued conversations about schools, picked up big kiddo (and the lock and dam system that he had taken to school for show and tell).

we are still thinking through school options. it is not easy to decide. we think that a teacher with good classroom management is important. but also important is someone who can understand r's profile and meet his emotional, intellectual, and social needs. it is not so much about the school but the teachers. well we knew that. and experienced teachers are, of course, helpful. but i also think that for r, while he needs some rote learning, it is not going to be enough to engage him passionately. still it has to be a balance of meeting strengths and areas in need of support. so we have a big decision to make.

while the last few weekends have been low key either due to illness or weather, this weekend, we decided to do less work and more play. Friday after one of mom's advisees successfully defended we had pizza and wii. k had a rough night of coughing. things will be lot better for her when she learns to blow her nose. she can't blow it out, so she inhales the mucous further. it gets caught in her throat and then she coughs. eventually she swallows it or coughs it out. but it is a slow and difficult process for her.

by saturday, everyone felt better. as it was to be the hottest day of the weekend, we packed up our picnic and beach gear. we went to a local lake where we had a small feast. k took to the water like a fish. she just did not want to come out. she stayed in there for over an hour. her brother dug around and made a respectable-sized waterworks. he was unable to play in the water because it was too cold for him. he has not enough body fat to warm him. during his last growth spurts, he has gotten really thin. he has grown several inches since the winter. and i do mean several, size 6 pants float way above his ankles. unfortunately, his waist is very thin and his limbs have little fat. so he gets cold easily. when everyone warmed up in the sun and sand, the whole family headed to the ice cream shop for their favorite flavors. sebastian joe's is one of our favorites because of the raspberry chocolate chip. yummy enough to make even nani eat ice cream. saturday evening was leftover pizza and more wii before bedtime with books. saturday night was the only night, dad and i got to spend together as we were both awake and no children were sick.

sunday was overcast but still a good day for an outing. so we headed to a land far far away -- the arboretum. the university runs an arboretum about 25-30 minutes away in chaska. and since mom does not like going so far for a park, we have never been there before. but it was actually quite nice. surprisingly, the kids were very much into the flowers, probably almost as much as mom. mom likes scanning gardening magazines and book constantly. so this was like a live magazine. mom liked being able to identify so many of the plants without the labels! but the kids loved the flowers, especially the ones with heady aromas -- peonies, roses, and lilacs were a favorite. r especially got a dreamy look on his face when the flowers smelled strong. there was a short hike into wooded and boggy area that involved the first mosquito bites of the season. overall, we were quite impressed with the arboretum and will have to drag ourselves there another time perhaps when other family visits! we also had an impromptu dinner at casa ho-chen. r and mira got to run around like crazy with toddler auggie following behind saying their names. k joined in occasionally and a massive game of tag at the end made everyone nice and tired. bath and book time was fun. as the tired children and mom fell asleep. k had another coughing fit right after following asleep. but she also was able to cough quickly and then go back to sleep.

saturday morning as we played camping in bed, the kids because very excited and we got out their tent and placed in the living room. as they pretended to camp, they also pretended that their father was a bear attacking their campsite and wanting their food.

on friday, k had come home to report that the rides at como town were open. so we had promised them that we would go this weekend. we knew it would be extremely crowded, but since we only go once or twice a year, we thought that this was ok. every year, i can measure how much growth has occurred through their experience. i remember the first year when k was a munchkin and r rode a few things while she sat in the stroller. when she thrilled at the small rides while he ventured forth bravely on his own. last year, they could enjoy several rides together. and this year we are expanding further. this is the first time that dad has been there with them. so he got to see them drive cars, ride on the bumper cars, go around the tilt-awhirl, and put out fires on the fire truck with water hoses. this events were followed by a mini-donuts (definitely r's favorite part) and swings on a rope and pulley system. everyone had a grand time. though the kids were rather exhausted. we went over to richa auntie's house for a picnic afterwards. she had made nani beans just for k. and we traipsed across the street to the park with uncle tarun. lots of good food was eaten, many games of tag were played, and new rules for red light/green light were invented. it was good to see a dear family friend and laugh in the sunshine.

at home, some more wii, talking to family, and reading before dinner time. dad did a quick milk run and mowed the lawn. with all of our busy-ness, very few house chores were done over the weekend. everyone ate lots of good food. as we were talking about eating, dad shared a memory of going to a favorite restaurant and eating so much food that he had to lie down in the back seat with his pant unbuckled on the way home (this is before mandatory seat belts!). while we talked about the memory, k began asking dad about his dad and when he died. she asked if he had made a good-bye book for him. whether or not dad had given him drawings, had told him he loved him, etc. as she asked her thoughtful questions, r began to cry for his dad. r became very sad for his father and also about his own father dying. our dear sensitive children express their feelings and thoughts very differently, and each reached out to their father to share his memories, experiences, and emotions.
after being comforted and having a few treats. both children had a quick rinse, some more reading, and hit the hay. there are now two exhausted children in their respective beds sleeping gently into the night.

we missed our masee and uncle tom this weekend. we had hoped to see them. but both have been sick! masee with her chronic eye issues and uncle tom with a stomach bug. next week, is uncle tom's ultra-marathon which we will come watch. and masee has finished another semester of law school (finals are over!) so the new internship starts tomorrow. we are excited to see how this one will be. she has had very interesting internships over the summer and this one is quite different (environmental issues) from the others. we wish she had had more of a break between finals and starting work, (boo eyes!), but the summer is ahead of us, so we hope to make her have fun during the respite from classes.

a hello to rocky mama who went to hear a star wars music concert yesterday in las vegas. the kids were excited and a little jealous.

when we asked the kids what their favorite part of the weekend was -- k said the rides, and r said all of it was the best of all.

1 minute conversation

R said tonight that he wants to wear a dress to school tomorrow. he said that some kids would not like it because they think that dresses are just for girls. he said that he still wanted to wear one even though he might get bullied and he did not want what they thought to stop him from what he wanted. he said that it was important to stand up like martin luther king even though this is a small step.

the never-ending search

some of you are aware of how this year of kindergarten has gone for r. it has been the antithesis of all our hopes and wishes for the first school year. the disappointment and bitterness is hard to swallow still. nevertheless, we have turned all of our energy to making the remainder of the year positive and, more importantly, proactively looking ahead to next year. This has meant that we have been hitting the telephones and pavement sussing out our options and assessing what is best for r.

as i have never studied education, especially primary school education, it is difficult to assess various methods and how each approach fits different learners. each child has his or her own areas of ability, giftedness, and talents. the trick is to support those that are in need of further development and to nurture those that are thriving simultaneously. montessori may fit some, multiple age classroom others, progressive education some, and IB others. we know r fairly well, and can identify strengths and areas in need of support. however, how do we assess what best helps him learn? each approach has its own philosophy, goals, and understanding of development. we chose our current school because it appeared to support multiple intelligences (various areas of intelligence), multiage classrooms (good for peer relationships, leadership and social skills, and differentiated learning), and its commitment to social justice, diversity, and equity. well this year has been lacking in all of those. we do think some of his prep and specialty teachers are excellent, the in-classroom experience has been so traumatic and fallow that our faith in the public school system is shot. not that we can regret what we have done. but we will hopefully never be caught off guard like this again. as it was our first year in schools (as opposed to preschool), we did not know what to expect or how to respond.

all this leads us to the numerous paths we have tried to pursue for r for next year. our first hope was to get him into the gifted public school. we hoped that this school would a) be familiar with learning profiles such his, b) be competent with students with complex sets of skills and needs, c) have a different social profile to allow for better socialization and the formation of friendships. we have spoken with numerous administrators (and parents) and our chances for getting into the school while being out of district (we live in one city and are looking at schools in another) are very very slim.

we have more or less pursued every path that might lead to that school. and none have proved fruitful. however, we have been successful in some assistance along the way. an ombudsperson has been very empathetic and helpful. the gifted specialist also has provided some assistance. i have been looking at schools since december 2007 and we are still not done. so we looked at 3 more this week. the first was actually 2 schools (1 montessori and 1 science magnet). another was an IB elementary. and the third is a private school -- a Quaker Friends school. i have never considered private school in my life. in fact, i believe very strongly in the public school system. it is a political belief that is quite deep. i have always thought that the educational privilege that i have, i would share within the school classroom to benefit all the children. that is what building community is about. this year was no exception. in fact, volunteering has been important to me. and i did it regularly when i was able to contact a teacher. however, i stopped. once i had to start homeschooling, i could not sustain both. it is important to think about how the school failed all of the children in the classroom. but i have also had to deal with the situation in which it has failed my child even more so. no other child has been hit, abused, and bullied like r. and the school failed to keep him safe let alone provide him an adequate learning experience. instead, we have had to stop volunteering and teach him at home. (i have enjoyed teaching him blackjack.)

back to next year. so our best options at this point are 1) try again with our current school and the resources it does have. (everywhere we went, people spoke highly of the school and pointed us back there as a good fit. it may be a very good fit, but we have little experience or trust at the moment. and yet the data does indicate that it might be good.) 2) an IB elementary that has three 1st grade classrooms with 25 students and at least a few teachers that might be very good with him. an IB curriculum is inquiry and project based. we see that there could be many advantages to this. and 3) a Friends private school that has a first grade that is 16-18 students. it operates with multi-age classrooms like our current school. the same teacher teaches for 1st and 2nd grade and then a different teacher does 3rd and 4th. as some of you know, the friends school is very progressive, small, and peace oriented. there is another montessori that i would like to look at but the school is not responding to my request which is not promising.

so now we have to choose. how do we choose? how do we nurture the sensitive child whose spirit is gentle, vivacious, passionate, curious? how do we support the poor motor dexterity and social skills? how do we build on very strong math and science skills? and how do we know what environment will be rigorous and empowering?

it is a very difficult decision. we have been burned once. there is so much at stake. and so few opportunities once a window closes. we will be deciding what to do in the next few weeks.
wish us luck

PS did i mention that starting in the fall, i have to start looking for a school for K for kindergarten?

the edge of summer

we had our first real summer meal today:

boca italian sausage for mom
grilled fish w/ hot sauce for dad
mac and cheese w/ tater tots for squirts
corn on the cob
turnip greens
cucumber and tomato salad
flatbread

not a bad way to end a late afternoon spent running in the sprinkler and cleaning in the garden.