night time rituals

well you all have heard about R's night time process of drinking water, going to the bathroom, asking for hugs, etc. i bet none of you know that his sister is his apprentice. even a few months ago, k would willingly read 1-2 books, lie down, put her head down on the pillow, say night-night and be asleep within 5 minutes. well not anymore. she has been consulting with her brother.

here is a "transcript" with interpretation of a now typical night.

K: mommy read two books. (she sits in the rocking chair by herself, i am assigned to sit on her bed facing her and reading the books to her upside down).
K: i help my diaper. (she picks out which particular diaper she wants to wear -- elmo, elmo with big bird, cookie monster, or ernie -- takes off her clothes, opens up the diaper, lies down on it, and then helps with the tabs.)
K: no i want these jammas. green jammas. (is offered 2 pairs of pajamas blue or green. rejects both. rejects third option. picks forth pair which are red but called green.)
K: I do it myself. no help mommy (proceeds to stick her feet in the sleeves and put them on partially.)
K: I want 2 night-night. (which means 3 blankets)
K: i need a drink of water. (stands up for sippy cup). be careful, don't fall down. i all done now.
K: I need my night-night on my back. (mom puts blankets back on).
K: I have yuckies in my mouth. mommy wipe with tissue. (mom gets a tissue and wipes mouth.)
K: where is my meow? (right here under your arm)
K: I have hair in my face. (mom brushes hair away)
K: I need more water. (repeat above)
K: I have runny nose, need tissue. (mommy wipes).
K: sing ABCD (mom sings ABC)
K: sing baa sheep (mom sings baa baa black sheep). masee-tom (yes masee-tom)
K: I have boogers my nose. (mom gets a tissue to wipe up boogers).
K: masee put boogers my nose. (yes i know)
K: silly masee
K: sing row-row-dream (mom sings row-row-your boat)
K: sing twinkle (mom sings twinkle twinkle little star)
K: sing macdonald (mom sings old macdonald had a farm with a duck)
K: No! no duck. moo! (mom sings with a cow here)
MOM: K go to sleep. quiet time. no more talking
K: I no talking anymore mommy. I all done.
K: I no want bear. I want manatee (throws bear on ground). (Mom hands her manatee)
K: where my meow? (right here under your arm)
hears ruskin getting water for R
K: what daddy doing? why daddy help R? Rocky mama help R too? r awake, not sleeping. I wake too.
(mom says go to sleep, k, quiet time)
K: I quiet mom. I no talking.

whole lot to juggle

ruskin slept on the couch of the night -- lucky guy. he came up the second time i woke him up. and then he went to work in the morning. the kids got to say good morning and good bye at least. getting dressed was slow. r had to be redirected many times. both ate well and were kind of whiny. but we eventually got out the door. sometimes it is actually easier when there is only one of us. for me, it means i know i have to do it all and i can pace myself and plan accordingly. somehow i always end up more ambitious when ruskin is not there. so the kids were dressed and fed, 2 loads of laundry done, dishes done, counters wiped, and roomba turned on within the span of two hours.

this meant that i did slow us down a little and we were late getting to auntie hot-hot's house. we worked our way down to the st paul library for the puppet show. k enjoyed it quite a bit. r was distracted by the magic school bus. too much for him to process.
nevertheless everyone had a good time.

on the way back we put air in a tire, ate some lunch, and k fell asleep. i managed to take her upstairs and back to sleep. overall she had about a 3.5 hour nap today. she needed it. r went with ruskin to go buy skating gear. that is correct -- r is going to start skating lessons soon. but tomorrow he is going to go try it out with his dad.

after he came home, his lack of nap started showing. the rest of the night as not great. i had a headache and he was very inflexible and emotional. a lot of crying and whining. he managed to perk up a bit during dinner. he also seemed to enjoy his time on the computer. k played puzzles and other games. everyone made it to bathtime. both are in bed. i am not sure who will asleep sooner. it will be close.

a few good nights

i wish i had a better memory. it is often a pleasure to converse with the kids. they are working through ideas and concepts and really communicating. k likes to tell us things with a lot of gusto and silliness. she also has a lot to say about the world around her. this morning she helped count buses. she pointed out trains and sang songs. r also had a good morning -- he has been agreeable except for a meltdown one morning. the food consumption has been tricky. i will come back to that issue another day.

it was a good evening. we have accepted the fact that thursday and friday nights are hard on the kids. they are tired and a little fragile. but i find that it helps that sarah comes to hang out with them on thursday night and that friday night we shake it up a bit and do something fun and relaxing.

we had sarah come yesterday but i tried to ensure that we fed them before she arrived. r was almost done with his dinner once she got there. k had a difficult minute when we left and then quite enjoyed her time with sarah. it is great for r when she comes. he can be transgressive and do things that he wants to without his uptight parents around. it is good for him to explore and experiment without our confining him with unnecessary rules. things are always rearranged when we get home but i am pretty sure that it is very important and helpful to him.

tonight we went to the cheese shop and then watched dvds while we ate our cheese and spanikopita. it was a nice time. k did puzzles and asked for elmo. r ate his food and then was pretty excited about parts of sesame street. we sang songs, counted, recited the alphabet, and named favorite characters. all in all a pretty wonderful evening -- we must have a little of our mojo back.

ruskin and i have been learning about autism. we would like to teach a class together on it next year. i am trying to educate myself. it is interesting to see what kind of questions and frameworks are dominant. i think our questions and interests are quite different than the standard ones that are the basis of most research so it will be interesting.

ruskin is working tomorrow so it will be me and the kids.

where are they?

the conversation that ruskin that had when he went upstairs to check on r who was "crying:"
r: dad, where are the things that cover my ears when you drill?
ruskin: they are safe
r: but where?
ruskin: in the garage
r: where in the garage?
ruskin: on a shelf
r: but where?
ruskin: safe in the garage on a shelf
r: but daddy where?
ruskin: go to sleep r

today started fine except for when r threw a shoe at his dad. this was not popular. the consequences that followed were also not well received. r apologized later that evening but i am not sure he understood all that was necessary.

the kids seem to have a good day at school. both were involved when i got there (ruskin was working late). r was waiting for his turn at the computer and k was playing with tools. r's bungalow had made play-doh. k reported making play-doh, though this is questionable. they were jolly on the way home as i had promised them french fries.

masee came to visit them! what a happy surprise. they were joyous. r did not get to enjoy it as much as he was just having a hard time eating. but he did get some good time with her. they have missed her and been asking where is uncle tom and why doesn't he come to our house anymore. you hear that uncle tom?

since k had only had a half hour nap, it was bath time after dinner. both kids enjoyed it and pretended to swim and float. k was especially cheery and snuggly. after her bath, she decided that she would pretend to go to sleep without her clothes on. she pulled up her blankets, grabbed her meow and asked for her bedtime songs (ABCD, baa sheep, and farm). then she pretended to sleep. after giggling, she threw off her covers and kicked her feet in the air for a while. she's a funny monkey.

pump it up

for those who do not have children in the first decade of the new century, you may be unaware of what constitutes a birthday party. we threw a joint venture recently for r's bday which involved renting a park facility and trips to costco -- and this was a low key event. these days, a venue, food for the whole family, and gift bags are expected. while these have probably been normative for a while, we have remained blissfully unaware until recently. today we attended a birthday at pump it up -- an inflatable play area party. it was actually a lot of fun though i am sure it cost quite a bit for r's friend's parents.

k woke up early or at least first. and her first act of the morning is usually to "help" mommy by getting mommy's "sunglasses." so she handed me my sunglasses and we snuggled and talked. she asked about rohan (whose name she can now say). she discussed how daddy was sleeping (loudly) and asked about every noise she heard. she hugged and tickled her daddy who grunted and rolled over. she read an elmo book and named objects in an alphabet book with mom. eventually, everyone else woke up and she was happy. ruskin woke in a funny mood. i have had them before, though definitely not this morning -- i have them when i get a long night's sleep. well, i guess he must slept well because he woke up ready to clean. as i was dressing the kids, i noticed him gathering garbage, spraying the bathroom tile with bleach, and running a load of laundry. i ushered the kids downstairs where we waited for daddy to emerge. and we all headed out to breakfast.

after our not so successful trip to sears last night, we bit the bullet and tried again. we figure, the only way to help r understand consequences is to give him lots of opportunities to learn and to succeed. he needs to understand that if he does x behavior, it can have y result. we know he has difficulty in understanding or accepting natural or constructed consequences. we think we have to continue to present him with these opportunities to learn. so off we went. the first 10 minutes had both of us scrambling to maintain or get control. the kids, but especially r, could not quite listen or settle down. we finally got situated and him to follow directions more or less so everyone could eat. at that point it went mostly smoothly. sometimes i think we do want to rein in a little tight (ruskin and i were trying to figure out when and where he can transgress safely -- any suggestions welcome). a little loosening or transgression is good. but right now he needs to learn consequences. if you do not eat, you get hungry. our observations and fears are that he does not really seem to then correct that behavior. the other day, he did not eat his breakfast in the time slot, and when time was up he cried that he was hungry. of course, when he sat down to eat dinner that night, the lesson from the morning was already forgotten. of course, a sample of 1 is hardly conclusive, but we don't think he really gets the connection.

anyway, he ate some pancake, hashbrowns, sausage, and toast. k had eggs, sausage, and toast. afterwards, we came home and the kids and i ran around the yard for a few minutes to get some energy out and to enjoy a semi-nice day. we lasted about 15 minutes with hats and mittens and the came in. we certainly had fun. and it was a pleasure to share something small and simple with them.

k and i went grocery shopping while r hung out in the basement while ruskin multi-tasked some more (not his favorite mode of activity). we came home and all kids had lunch. apparently, they are not camels after all. both ate fairly well. k put away a mini-bagel with cream cheese fairly quickly. she headed up for a nap and r did some hanging out with dad time.

once k fell asleep, r and i played "detectives in the dark" AKA the dark game. we went up to r's room and searched for treasures with his flashlight while being quiet. then we came down and made cards and wrapped presents for our afternoon event. ruskin fixed more broken parts of the house and did more loads of laundry.

k woke up not so happy and had to be hustled to the car. she was groggy and kind of clingy when we got there. she was quite pleased to see one of her favorite friends there. and they played together and help hands. i think r did well at the play area though he was tired and running out of juice and stamina. he did a lot of climbing and bouncing. they both seemed to have a good time. i get sad when i realize how he cannot do so many physical things that other kids his age can do. even k was not quite up to her friend ella in her physical play. i think we provide an enriched enough environment so i am not sure why this is the case. anyway, it was great fun and at one point, ruskin, ella's mom, and i were in the bouncy castle jumping around with the kids. it felt good to get our bodies moving. i think it would make great exercise. i wish we had a bouncy castle at the gym. what a great way to get the endorphins going. it is also terrific for OT and gross motor skills. the place is open on monday nights for non-party activities, so ruskin and i will have to build it into our schedule to come and do it with the kids. or more accurately, we have to bring masee-tom with us, so we can all jump around. (at one point in the evening, one of the mom's said to her kid, can you sit nicely like r and eat your food. we don't hear that very often!)

i had talked earlier to r about the rules -- he needs to listen and he needs to eat. he did eat his slice of pizza, received some bonus treats (some chips and a piece of wall-e birthday cake). both kids seemed tired and happy. we picked up a little dinner on the way home and came home and ate some more. r and i had a discussion about parents having tantrums. i asked him to eat his burrito and said if he did not, i would take away the chips until he did. he told me that he would take my burrito and put it into the closet if i did that. i told him that i might have a tantrum if that happened. he looked at me with wonder and incredulity and said calmly that if i had a tantrum, he would give it to me. that was an interesting exchange. we came back to the tantrum topic a few minutes later. i asked him what he would do if i had a tantrum. he asked, "about what?" i said, "you never do x." he replied " we did that this morning." we went back and forth with him offering counter-examples to my statements. it was quite funny.

then r chose to have art night and k decided to do stamps. both of them chose dad as their companion, so mom went and folded all the laundry. the three of them seemed to have a great time. ruskin sang songs and k soon switched to puzzles while r worked on his spirograph (thanks uncle craig). his interest in art projects continues. k loves to draw so we are preparing for winter activities here.

a whole week

i am not sure where it has gone. we seem to have blinked and it has gone by!

it has been a mixed week. we have been busy as the end of the semester draws near. i think the cold weather and getting ready for an irregular spring semester is also on our minds.

k has been pretty fun. her language is just exploding and she makes all kinds of comments that catch me off guard. off course i can't recall a single one when i get to the computer to blog. nevertheless, conversing with her is fun. she is also a mynah bird and repeats faithfully whatever her brother says. unless of course she is in a contrary mood and then she repeats it in the negative. she has seemed tired as well and has been coughing.

the kids seem to be transitioning. for some reason, r is just overwhelmed when he gets home these days and by friday night we know things are going to be hairy. it is predictable. monday is a little rough transitioning back to school. tuesday and wednesday are not too bad. by thursday he is tired and excited and doesn't eat well. friday night is fine in the car. as soon as we step through the door, the kids lose it. this has happened several fridays in a row. yesterday he was hysterical and she was incredibly clingy. being overwhelmed by school and the fact that he does not eat enough or sleep enough during the school week means that friday nights are just beyond his ability to hold it together. so he loses it. and yesterday this was much screaming and hysteria.

additionally, r is testing a lot and having a hard time complying with requests/demands. this morning we asked him to close the garage door behind us and he just ignored us. he would not return to close it and the resultant consequence triggered a massive meltdown. clearly there was some fatigue and perhaps some hunger there, but his ability to regulate and to hold it together seems to have deteriorated lately. i wonder if it is the food and sleep or the change in seasons and the lack of gross motor movement.

anyway it was just painful for a good hour as we got home from the library. ruskin was irritated, the kids were fragile, and the phone was ringing. finally we were able to put both down for a nap. post-nap everyone seemed better. we ate vegetable soup (yes r too, just not the liquid). and then we tried to go to the store to buy slippers. r put in a request for star wars slippers and k asked for elmo slippers. we got to sears and they did not have any lands ends slippers so we were walking to look for a few more items. but r could not seem to listen and dad had to scoop him up and carry him to the car. he was hysterical.

we have not taken them to many stores (besides grocery shopping). but it was not even the standard tantrum of "i want this." he tried a little of that earlier in the store and that was stopped. but it is really unpleasant and he can't seem to comprehend that he needs to listen to us and do what we say. or more accurately, he ignores us and then seems surprised that there are consequences. i guess i need to go read the dr. brazleton again -- is 4 all about autonomy and challenging?

there was a nice part on the way to the store when he was telling us about the moon -- he told us it is the beaver moon. the last moon was the hunter's moon. they learned about a lunar calendar for a native american nation (not sure which one) and the different names of the moon at school. he remembers! he also was doing a computer program -- magic school bus -- and could answer (more or less) almost all of the questions about mars and the earth.

k is a curious toddler. she likes to be involved and is at the same time interested in her own toys, puzzles, and books. she likes to sing and makes requests: ABCD, baa sheep (baa baa black sheep), farm (old mc donalds), etc. whenever i sing baa baa black sheep, i substitute family members for the people who get 3 bags of wool. and she always makes sure that i include everyone in the list. tonight she reminded me -- masee-tom? and i said yes masee-tom too.

we are trying to wean r away from his 3 cups of water, 4 trips to bathroom routine. so ruskin is downstairs right now, ignoring r's chanting daddy over and over. r has a lot of stalling tactics but eventually he does give up. k falls asleep pretty quickly. let's hope he is asleep soon.

weekends

time is a funny thing. i am fortunate to have a partner who reminds me frequently that death comes... always. i did not put quotation marks around fortunate -- i meant it straight up. it is not easy to live one's life as if today and perhaps the near future need to matter. we live often in wait. in wait for what we want, "killing time" with amusements. while my partner is not really referring to how people waste time in the little ways (heck we all need a little down time), but referring to the big picture and how we make it happen every day. what is that we want to be doing with our big units of time and opportunity. these are serious questions to live by. i am 39 about to be 40 in little over a month. i don't foresee crises or upheaval around the transiiton. but i hope it reminds me that we all have limited time and need to be living our values and hopes.

sometimes this all seems hard to recall. i realize it is only this summer that i started snapping at the children. before this summer, i had not yelled at them more than a couple of times. this has changed unfortunately. at one level, it makes me human, on the other i realize that i am stressed and anxious. r's issues this past year have been stressful. ruskin is on the job market and that is stressful. k is working through autonomy. my work has its ups and downs. for the most part, however, things are better than earlier in the year. we are hopeful. but the grind of the day makes it sometime difficult to remember and appreciate all of this.

and yet i do remember that i am fortunate to have the wonderful family and friends (including generous and loving parents and a funny determined and gentle brother who are too far away, a mother-not-in-law whom i truly respect for her insight and warmth who never visits long enough, a smart and sentimental sister and kind, humorous, and sensible brother-not-in-law who live close by and yet seldom get to see, long-term friends who understand with a few words). how is it that the little details of the day makes one forget the significance of each moment?

recently my aunt lost her husband. my friend marie just lost a close and dear friend. her friend wrote a blog while she was dying and wrote about her life, parenting, and her impending death. she cherished every moment precisely because she knew it could be her last. these experiences and ruskin remind me to be mindful. i know what i shall cherish in my final memories -- it will be r and his big smile while telling stories, it is waking up with k in the morning. it is the lavish hugs and kisses i receive from them. it is the way they smell, their quiet peaceful breathing as they rest tired minds and bodies at night, k's dance in her chair as she eats noodles she loves, having to feed r the same noodles because he is too tired to focus and feed himself, it is being hopeful about their futures, feeling their hands in mine, trusting me to lead them to what is best. each of these moments passes and new experiences take their place. stages happen and development continues -- nursing ends, lies begin. and yet, the memories, i hope, will remain with me as i watch them grow into strong capable individuals each so autonomous and beautiful in her/his own way. i try to remember to enjoy it. i try to remember to make it good for them and for me. i try to teach them what i know while i can; teach them to live by values, to hold strong and fast to the belief of a fair and just world, to teach them ways to make the world closer to our hopes and dreams. someday one of us (and hopefully me first) will not be here and what will matter are these memories and the little ways i have passed on a way to see one's life, the planet, and our limited time on it.

as i said earlier friday night was hard. but the rest of the weekend was much better. r and k had some rest and i had some nice times with them. we colored and cleaned and played on saturday. then we headed to an art fair where we bought r another fish hat. sunday we had breakfast and then went and played at a cafe with auntie sarah. r had a wonderful time with her, crawling into her lap and hugging her repeatedly. naps and baths and dinner and books. he and i cuddled on the couch and read about a dozen books -- some serious and scientific, some silly and funny, others in between. we read about a story about a boy named ravi who asks his nana all about india. his nana tells him about the hot sun, the monsoon rains, the elephants, and the wind. it is a lovely book. the boy dreams about india and playing a flute and dancing with an elephant. we read a book about an african american girl who takes her grandma to see a chinese new year parade with a dancing dragon. her father has volunteered to be part of the dragon, and the girl has learned a great deal about chinese new year from her teacher and she teaches her grandmother. they both watch the parade and enjoy the celebration sharing it with all of their neighbors.

ms k

more photos

photos

multiracial mutt like me...

obama talking about the dog promises to his daughters:
"With respect to the dog," said Obama, "this is a major issue." but before a new addition is made to the family, "two criteria that have to be reconciled." One is that elder daughter Malia, 10, "is allergic, so it has to be hypoallergenic." The other is that "our preference would be to get a shelter dog," which would point to the possiblity of a mixed breed, or, as Obama said, "a mutt, like me."

hard evening

ruskin and i took time to have lunch together today which was lovely. we talked about the joint class we want to teach and questions that interest us. i got to ask him about what he taught today and learn/think about something for a little while. i finished one thing today finally and was looking forward to my evening at a work event with k.

picking up the kids was fine at first but turned bad very quickly. it was the "we want mommy, not daddy" routine. they were touchy and volatile all the way home. k ate some food and seemed to stabilize. r did not want any and seemed really to spiral downward as we got home. the evening was not pleasant and we trudged through, troopers that we are. it was pretty disappointing. i did not go out and stayed home. k switched back and forth from being pleasant to hitting people. it sure takes the pleasure out of coming home and spending time with the kids.

with r, i am pretty sure it was lack of food. and of course, getting him to eat took forever because he had no food. argh. k is asleep and the r's are upstairs. i think i am just going to try to do work and forget about this evening.

i guess i can share a good memory from earlier in the week to compensate: apparently, for halloween masee was a character from the film "napoleon dynamite" who sells friendship bracelets. well once done with the bracelets, they became a lovely present to pass down to masee's favorite niece. ms. k liked her inheritance. i encouraged her to give some to her teachers. well the next day we brought them to school in the morning and by pick up time, k had fulfilled her promise. every teacher and child care worker was wearing a friendship bracelet distributed by ms. k. it was quite funny and sweet. the kids both had good days. k ran around the multi with her friend while holding hands and falling down at each mat while laughing. she also had a tea party. in r's class, he brought in a solar system book, a solar system puzzle, and wore his space overalls. as you may have guessed, they are studying space this week. all of them were quite a hit! next week is the body...

i will try to put pictures up soon.

when the party ends...

the euphoria and joy of tuesday still lingers but the hard truth of our current mess has seeped back in. the closest analogy for it seems to be giving birth. the magic of that day is like nothing else, but then the hard work and joy of parenting comes afterwards. barack obama has a difficult and impossible road ahead. there is no way to fix everything. but at the same time, i hope that what he inspires in us will make us get up and make the change we want. it is a difficult world and no one person can change it -- it will take all of us.

having said that, there are many intangibles that have already occurred. i love the way ruskin gets upset when obama is not recognized for being a multiracial man. while obama is of course black and african american, i also appreciate the ways in which ruskin is naming a different space for obama and, i imagine, our children. to make their identity not about percentages or fractions (half white, etc.) tries to work against certain singular logics.

anyway, to the cut to the chase. things have returned back to their normal pace. the kiddos have stopped being on daylight savings time. k has not been napping well at daycare (only a half hour yesterday). and is kind of crabby at night. she was asleep by 8:15 last night. when she gets a good night sleep, she wakes up so happy. it is one of my favorite parts of the day. she opens her eyes and seems to recognize that it is a new day. she is eager to rise and explore the world. she is not usually resistant to the transition from sleep to being awake and eagerly leaps out of bed full of smiles and vigor. of course, this is in sharp contrast to my other kiddo who is almost always exhausted and sluggish in the morning. since he refuses to sleep early, it is a tough transition.

the other day, on our way home from masee's house, r was talking about something and then somehow he got on the topic of girls and boys. he said that sometimes he would like to be a girl. and some times he likes being a boy. but that he wishes he was a girl sometimes. i told him he could be a girl. i asked him why. and he said i just do. i asked him what is the difference between a girl and boy. he said that they were the same. it was a funny conversation. i am not sure what his concept of gender is. but it is already fixed and binary. as an educator and mom, that makes me sad. this is exactly what i talk to my students about and i can see it happening in my children. i do not want him to long to be a girl (though i do not think he is thinking about it that much), i would like him to find gender fluid and not fixed. i would like him to know he can be what he wants and it can change. but not many of us think that way...

he also told me he wants to be president when he grows up. but when i asked him why, the answer had its own preschool spin. of course, the preschoolers have been talking about the elections too. they read a book about being president and living in the white house. i guess this part was the most salient. r's answer to why he wanted to be president is that he wants to have a bowling alley in his home, have his own baker and sewer. *except for the bowling alley part, i think these things are called parents.*

k and r have still not figured out to play well together. i think part of it is, beside k's toddlerness, is that r needs playmates who are more socially aware. he does better with more understanding and compensating kids. we had a conference with his teacher at the center the other day. she's terrific. her observations are so astute, so skilled, and so (in my perspective) similar to our own. she understands r. she is an experienced and patient teacher. we had a good conversation and concur. we talked about the goal of helping r with his social skills and awareness. we both believe that those are the highest priorities for KG readiness. she says that r is doing better with transitions and does best with high structure. his stamina is low and the stimulus is overwhelming. we know much of this and are trying to think about these things as we get him ready for school and search for a school that will accommodate him. we think he is a bright, generous, curious, playful, and inquisitive child, but he has some areas that continue to need attention.

k luckily is like a wildflower. her strength and determination are still there. i see less of her earlier disruptive behaviors. she is still working out her autonomy stuff, but she is also able to hit less and use her words more to explain. she is quite a chatterbox. she also is a cheery child. not mellow like r was. but happy and engaged. she is generous. one of her favorite ways of playing is pretending with animals. r did not do this. but she pretends to change them and feed them. it is very fun.

r is all excited about space again as that it is what he is talking about in school. they are discussing the human body next. his latest thing is also to be "sneaky." it is rather fun to watch his notion of transgression. he likes to hide things and then tell us we do not know that he put something in the cabinet. a true desai when it comes to secrets. (both seema and i have a hard time with secrets). he also got in trouble with his dad for "Experiementing" with soap the other day. dad was concerned about the waste. i had to remind dad that when he was young and curious (as opposed to old and tired), he also liked to experiment and one time decided to test whether or not diamonds cut glass. well the only diamond he knew about was his mom's ring. let's just say that this was not popular. luckily r has a strong sense of curiosity that we mostly encourage. so hopefully things will continue.

i guess i should mention that we got our first snow today. k is highly suspicious. r is excited. all of their snow and winter gear is almost ready. mom has been purchasing snow pants and mittens, hats and boots. we are almost there. a few more items to go. as r said this morning, this is the beginning of winter.

a land and time of hope

like the rest of the country, ruskin and i were talking about obama today. he noted that while obama is our age (give or take), somehow he seems part of R and k's generation. what that means to me is that obama represents a new vision and hope for us and future generations. we have lived with dynasties, cowboys, and good ole boys who have led the US into wars, building empire, suspension of human rights, and other atrocities both big and small. the last decade has been one of the worst in my memory. power has been consolidated in the hands of the few who have operated with utter disregard for others here and abroad.

and perhaps in such a despairing time, we -- and i mean many people across race, gender, ethnicity, age, region, etc. -- have elected a charismatic, intelligent man whose vision and temperament promise something else. he represents hope not only because of his own biography and who he is, but because he is able to see and articulate transformations that would bring justice and community. I saw many first time voters in line yesterday and talked with students who feel like their votes and voices matter. Those who have been disenfranchised for so long, those who are seen as "anti-American" by others, came and demonstrated a different possibility. i have no illusions that barack obama is not a politician. he is. i have no illusions that we woke up to a unified country. we did not. i am not sure we want unity and only one opinion anyway. but obama promises something else to my son and daughter's generation -- hope and an ability to work across many lines of difference. last night he said
"i will listen to you, especially when we disagree" -- those are good words to stand by. i doubt r and k will remember much of this election, but i hope they will inherit obama's legacy and his transformation of the nation in one of its direst times.

68 degrees on nov 2

we came into the weekend knowing it would be hectic -- halloween, house projects, daylight savings time, and CSA farm harvest dinner.

Thursday night brought a night of disturbances and interruptions. k had a rough time and was inconsolable by dad who received a few angry kicks. this prompted him to try to sleep downstairs. but in departing for the couch, ruskin broke the security gate on the stairs. well, woken out of a deep sleep by crying, kicking, and then the clanging of the metal gate, did little to help ruskin back to bed. so he came down and did what any sensible parent would do -- dishes and then fixed the gate. he made it to the couch (lucky guy to sleep alone!) until r called. r had wet the bed and wanted only daddy. by the time, i convinced him that mom was ok, dad came up. of course, he did not want dad then. meanwhile, k discovered my departure and went spiraling into screams. somewhere along the line, she must have gotten a bloody nose with all of her screaming. nevertheless, with all of the drama, everyone was back asleep within 15-20 minutes.

Friday was quite exciting around the house. The kids and i slept in luckily as we had to go get our flu shots. these were not immensely popular and some crying was done by several of the recipients. some of the crying was mitigated by stickers. k and r had short days at school and we picked them up early to get home for halloween. they tried to eat dinner, but the draw of the doorbell was to difficult to resist. so every 5 minutes, they would get down from their chairs to rush to the front door to see the kids in costume. k asked for nani, nana, and rocky mama. she pretended to talk to them on her cell phone.

we finally got everyone fed and dressed in costume to head out to a party. r and k discovered halloween candy not because we took them trick or treating but because we doled out their favorite kind -- peanut butter cups. R has a current narrative of being "sneaky" and doing something that we may not approve. this night, it meant sneaking a piece of candy out of the bowl every time we went to the door. he amassed quite a collection. i am quite pleased that he is interested in trying and eating candy. especially peanut butter and chocolate!

at our friends leanne and tony's party, we hang out and marveled at all the adult costumes. the kids enjoyed it as well. though k was scared of "towel-y" from south park. r was smitten with tony/joe the plumber (aren't we all?) who generously shared some pipes with him.

saturday morning it was me and the kids again as ruskin had to work. i got them fed and dressed. not too bad. sometimes getting them to do things within a certain time frame is quite difficult. this time it was the bathroom/diaper situation that slowed us down. we did get out the door, much later than hoped, but out nevertheless. we went to the central library. i did not know it was homecoming weekend for the UMN and we hit a lot of traffic heading to the metrodome. for the most part, the library was fun. the kids cannot be occupied with similar activities yet and so the outcome is that they run around in different directions and are hard to keep track of. they both enjoyed the story time. we had read several of the books oddly enough but r enjoyed the interactive part. at the end, both were having a hard time. k was clearly tired and hungry. she fell deep asleep before we got home.

i was ready for a break from the kids and sent ruskin to the park with them in the afternoon after k's nap. i made dinner and cleaned. it was nice and quiet. the harvest dinner for our CSA farm was nice. we were on the late side. but it was a huge turnout and it was good to see friends. k is a delight. i love this age -- lots to say, lots of questions, figuring things out, and a great sense of humor.

Sunday was another day with just me and the kids. ruskin got up and made pancakes which were popular with bug. he has asked for them recently. we were supposed to go to the zoo with aunty hot hot who texted us that she was ill and could not go. but even before this message. r indicated that he wanted to make her and nani drawings. he and k worked on elaborate drawings and artwork for a good hour. i finally got them out the door as well. i get a little crabby when it takes so much time to get them anywhere. we are also hitting a new phase of development with r. he challenges and get angry with us. he resists more and wants what he wants more strongly. he has a stronger sense of himself which is wonderful. we have a lot to re-learn. r helped ruskin with a project. while i dealt with k, i believe r asked his dad about 397 questions about anything and everything over the course of the afternoon.

we managed to get dinner and a bath in before every one was settled into their beds.