greener pastures

Today, I saw in the New York Times that a physicist that I had worked with at Berkeley had died. I am surprised at how much it is impacting me. In my twenties, I remember thinking that he was old. But he was only in his sixties then and had had already a remarkable career. He had fled Europe during the Holocaust and was one of the many Jewish scientists and academics with charm, humor, intelligence, and vivacity that I have worked with. I shared a lab with him a year or two and have fond memories of the group. Very few people thought highly of our lab back then. We were the underdogs that were held in some mild disdain by the faculty at berkeley (or at least that was my impression) back then. We were a rag tag collection of graduate students, undergraduates, research assistants, and 3 scientists (Carl Pennypacker, Saul Perlmutter, and then Gerson Goldhaber). the underdog feeling certainly made it feel close and made even underlings like me feel important and necessary. there was little ego there which seems rare to me in academia now. this was the lab that i worked in when i did the observations for the supernova.

I thank them all for all of their support and community. Why am I thinking so much of them now? Perhaps because I can see how much of my past and the people in it have shaped who I am. How I have become the person I am because of them. My experiences in that lab allow me now to talk with my children in ways that profoundly shape who they are. While K is still a little young for these conversations, I know that R loves learning about the universe. Some of the topics that we discuss: particle physics, and chemistry come from these experiences. The curiosity and inquiry that has been shared with me, I am able to share with my children. I did not know then that more then a career, these questions, this way of thinking about my location in the universe would stay with me and would be part of how I parent. Thank you to those folks along the way that have fostered that in me and now in my children.

I also feel this gratitude for others so deeply because I am fortunate to have had amazing people in my children's lives. Our after school child care person -- Liz is moving onto greener pastures (literally, in this case) as she has gotten a job doing equine care in WI. This is what her passion is and she has been training for in her undergraduate education. We are thrilled for her and I am so sad for us. When we fortuitously hired her last year, it was somewhat a fluke that I asked her at all. She worked at the children's child care facility and knew them both but had no contact with her outside of the institution. She was available and worked with our schedules, so we thought great. As she was coming from the child care facility, we knew it was a culture of nurturing and empowering our children. Though we felt good about it, how far the experience has exceeded our expectations. Liz has been amazing in her love and care for R and K. She has nurtured him/them with joy and patience. She makes it look so easy! R has been incredibly fortunate to have her in his life. And while he may never understand what her steady smile and quick laugh has given him, I know that her care has been invaluable. With all of the different things we want and need for R: fine and gross motor, science inquiry, goofing off, games, imaginative play, art, math, social skills, emotional needs, self-empowerment, and eating -- she helped. as parents, we feel incredible trust that the kids were in amazing nurturing care. They both asked for time with her and she gave them so much, each according to his/her needs.

I think in many ways of how fortunate I am. There are days when I can put the stress of the university away and be present in my children's AND my life. To be mindful of my partner's warmth, humor, and thoughtfulness; my family's adoration of my children and amazing generosity and love; and my children's wonderful sense of the world, disregard for time and schedules, and fascination with the now, for the people in their lives, and joys of life.