last night Ruskin and i watched "austism: the musical" a documentary by HBO. we were not sure why it is seen as so amazing and been nominated for so many awards. clearly it is about a hot topic and offering "hope" to viewers. but we are not sure what exactly it offers. yes with autism, social skills and self esteem are critical. but the documentary accept in bits did little to really raise questions. most of it was the standard dialogue. autism on the rise, most people imagine standing in a corner in a diaper banging his head, kids need help, and it is hard on families. but still none of it addressed systemic issues. the best aspects were discussions of who does the work in the family, how it impacts the parents (high divorce rate probably and women do almost all of the work), and what are expectations? Ruskin and I talked throughout and it was clear to us that while R might not have autism which we have felt from the beginning, there are some points of overlap that will continue to raise red flags in various institutions. As Ruskin said, "we are not out of the woods yet." I guess the rise of the tantrums, the interactions with his peers, and the documentary reminded us of how diligent we are going to have to be. and that we have a long way to go still.
you would think that all that activity would lead to a sound night's sleep. well i was downstairs until 3am working on sorting over a thousand photographs (you all can thank me later). i heard r around that time but dad must have gotten him back to bed. so we all slept without interruption until 6 when R wet his bed. this happens rarely as he usually wakes and uses the toilet, but once in a while it does happen. and this morning, because he was so exhausted, he just kept repeating i want to sleep in my own bed. well noone felt like getting up and changing the sheets. Ruskin tried to convince him to sleep with us (this is the usual preference), but today there was just plain exhaustion and inability to comprehend and cope. so a tantrum ensued. Ruskin tried to get him downstairs before he woke up K but it was too late. so i threw some blankets on his bed and brought him back up. but it was too late on that account so everyone was up and active at 6:20. Another lost night of sleep. Ruskin and I were barely functional. But I gave Dad some time to recover from dealing with a screaming preschooler and the two kids "helped" change R's sheets. we all got dressed and came downstairs and some breakfast was consumed by some subset. and we cleaned up and dad went to do neighborly things. and it was 9.
i have caught what everybody else has. usually because i get sneezed upon, kissed, and germed upon so regularly, i tend to be immune to whatever the kids have. but after 5 nights of 3-5 hours of sleep, i have no immunity and am sniffling, run-down, and sneezy like the rest of them. thanks everyone! so i did lie on the couch while K and i played for a half hour. then the other team came back and R and i strategized our day. Ruskin had an agenda and most of it did not seem kid-friendly, so the kids and i played blocks and trains while dad trimmed vines on the house again. we ate lunch by 11 and it was a good meal. R spent about 10 minutes telling himself a story. i did not get a chance to listen. but his attention span can be quite long. he can play by himself for a good 20 minutes. the self-narration i am less sure what to think of it. but it does keep him occupied. he was terrific about picking up his toys after lunch as i told him we needed to roomba the floors. he cleaned two sets of toys by himself without much prompting.
we decided a nap was good idea. k and i went upstairs around and slept for about 3 hours. we noticed R sleeping in his bed and started to wake him as it was 4. he only slept an hour (i was surprised he resisted the nap for that long). but he and his dad had done a project which always excites him . they are working on a doorway repair that sounded quite satisfying.
after a nice time outside having snack, K and R started fighting over some wood and the wagon. he is still pretty selfish and not as empathetic as i would like. in fact, after the struggle over the wagon, it was clear that R would rather just stand and guard the wagon rather than play. he was more interested in his sister not getting the wagon than he was in having fun. that certainly was not a popular choice in our family. so ruskin and i turned our attention to K and played ball with her. he did eventually join us but stood by his wagon the whole time.
the pleasant diversion tonight was visiting our friend sarah at her new home. she recently moved in with some friends and we got to go to a housewarming barbecue. the house was a lovely century old house typical of south minneapolis. her roommates were quite nice and the kids and i had a good time. poor k fell while running and got a scrape on her forehead. all the way home she said "boom, pack, home." which meant that i will get an ice pack for my injury when we get home. i think ice packs are sign of status at daycare and highly regarded. we picked up our farm veggies and headed home. she got some frozen edamame on her forehead while Ruskin and R got ready for bed.
The evening's quota of tantrums was clearly not up and there was some disappointment expressed as R felt there was not enough time to read in bed. I don't know if he got to sleep any earlier, but i did not give in and the lights were out by 9:30 though the tussling seemed to extend the bedtime. i am trying to give him a sense of consequent. it is hard because he says often "mommy i want to do it again." yes kiddo, i know. we all want our errors to disappear so that we can truly learn from them and not wait for another opportunity. it makes sense to me. correct what happened not just wait for another different situation. unfortunately, it does not work that way. and my little big has a hard time recovering when it does not go the way he wants. coping with disappointment in life is not an easy lesson. and i do not know how to make it any easier but try to point out consequences of decisions and how to do it differently next time or just accept what can be changed and what can't.
i am exhausted and have a lot to do before we go but am just too sick and tired to do much tonight.
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